The other day, I had a call with one of my clients whom I’m coaching during her parental leave from her corporate PR role. I always open my calls with a bit of grounding, ya know eyes closed, deep breathes, and an acknowledgment that the next hour is for YOU, your self-care. Then we jump into a brain dump of the good, bad, and ugly.

Sidenote: Did you know I’m more than a Nutritional Therapy Practitioner? I’m also a certified RETAIN Parental Leave coach through the Center of Parental Leave Leadership. What does that mean? I’m armed with tools and strategies to help you through one of the hardest transitions in life: Working individual > Parent > Working parent.

When I asked her how she was doing, her opening statement hit me in the best way possible. It’s exactly the sentiment that I hope to cultivate with ALL my clients, no matter where they are in their parenting journey. She said:

“I’m appropriately realistic, but positive.”

Damn girl, what wisdom in just 4 little words.

Why do I love this so much? Because in my experience (both personally and as a professional coach) I have found that a lot of our suffering comes from expectations not aligning with reality and a lack of coping tools for managing that disparity.

When I became a mother, I expected it to be easy. Sure, I had friends/my doula/my sister try to reality check me before the baby came, but I was unable to truly internalize what they were saying.

Because I couldn’t hear them, I didn’t prepare myself adequately. I didn’t have strategies in place to calm my nervous system, I wasn’t ready to replenish my nutrient stores, and I sure as hell didn’t have my village already prebuilt.

I felt like a complete and utter failure at being a mom. I hyper-fixated on the the gap between what I believed to be “the perfect mother/employee/spouse” and what I felt I was able to give. You know what that got me?

Postpartum anxiety.

I lived in a very deep, dark hole for months, incapable of breaking free of my anxious thoughts, convinced I needed to quit my job, but unable to afford it. Fighting against my emotions and panic only made them grow bigger and more unmanageable.

I was not realistic and sure as hell couldn’t muster any positivity for a long while.

Things are different now. I’ve learned that the only way out is through. Accepting my journey will be hard from the outset gave me the gift of being prepared. Anticipating the lows makes them feel way less intense or permanent. I can stay positive knowing that all dark moments are temporary and joy is just around the corner.

I like to picture any conquest – motherhood, weight loss, gut healing, new career, etc – as a spiral.

Your journey begins as a tiny little dot in the center of a sheet of paper that eventually flows into a spiral that fills the entire page. At the bottom of the spiral, things feel dark, but if you keep moving, the only direction forward is up and back around. Each time you make it to the top you feel better than before, and so the cycle continues.

The cold hard truth is that growth and healing is NOT linear, it’s cyclical.

I’ve made it my life’s mission to help other women thrive. Part of the process is accepting that perfection doesn’t exist, but that’s okay because joy and optimism live in the imperfect moments.

Okay, so what’s the takeaway here?

It’s okay if your mothering experience isn’t going to plan. It’s okay if your weight loss journey isn’t perfect. It’s okay if your house is a disaster. It’s okay if you don’t feel like giving it your all at work.

Nothing is ever perfect, so there’s no point in striving to get there. What matters is that you’re able to acknowledge that the journey is hard, but it doesn’t deter you from continuing to move forward. Each day you wake up and take the next step, no matter how small. Remember, growth and healing are cyclical, not linear.

Appropriately realistic, but positive indeed.

If you relate to the above, but still feel stuck on your journey, reach out! I’m currently accepting new 1:1 clients for the spring. Apply here.